Not Ready

      I'm so scared. I don't want to go outside to see you. I don't want to have this conversation yet. I knew this day would come, but I didn't think it would be now. I'm not ready to let you go. But then again, I don't know if I will ever be ready. It hurts. And I know I'm so selfish and hypocritical, because this is what I've been doing to you. But it hurts so bad. And I will be forever sorry that I put you guys through this. Who is she? Who is this girl? I'm scared that she will be prettier than me. This is what I wanted though -- for you to be happy with someone else. I just......hate it. You were my first love. I will probably always love you. You were supposed to be all mine.....but I know I messed that up already. My emotions are everywhere. God, this is horrible. I'm so devastated. I'm so angry. I'm so hurt.
      Who is she? It's killing me. You know how jealous I get.... So you must know I will automatically hate her. I hate her. I want to viciously attack her and tell her to stay the hell away from you. You are mine. Or...you were mine.. Ouch. WHO THE FUCK IS SHE?! I want to kill her. I want you back....but I know that it's not the right thing. I have someone else, who loves me. I'm just not ready to let you go yet.